I just made out with a guy for $7.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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