Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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