Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
