Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
