I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
