How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
