yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
