I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
