Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
if only i could text you this smell
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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