somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We're too hungover to prance.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
