I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
