Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
