I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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