He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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