I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
