whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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