Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Boobs are out for the taking
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
