My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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