saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
