So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
