I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
