At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
