I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
