it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
