i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
