Girls should come with a carfax report
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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