Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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