My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
