I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
