Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
