you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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