I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
