Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
