I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
