i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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