Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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