I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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