carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
