Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
