Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
