Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
