"it" just moved
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
