I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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