I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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