took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
