my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
