Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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