ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
