Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There r osticjed everywhere
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
