i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
