I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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